20 & alive!

A birthday means you're old enough living in this world, a birthday may also means you're matured enough to deal with this life but more importantly, a birthday means how many people remember you, how much they love and appreciate you, how glad they are that you come through this world and be part of their life. Before this, I only know how to thank to my parents for bringing me up to this world, nurturing me with good attitude and manners, thanking them for every fibre of their veins struggling to grow me up being a good, cute, clever, kind-hearted lass. Not exactly 'before this', it's when I matured enough to appreciate my own birthday. When I was a kid, all I know a birthday means a day I can eat cakes and candies. Yet, now I understand why a day called 'birthday' even exist at the very first place. Above meanings may be considered, but there always a reason why you've been destinied to be in this world out of all those sperms. Millions, no trillions, no (last biggest number ever exist) thanks to my parents for every endeavor, god bless me with those parents. I don't really know how to express love in real life action but I did with words. When I start talking or writing I really meant it deep down inside.

Along this life journey, there are many phases where I start knowing and meeting people. I am so blessed for that, they are very kind to me. I appreciate every single of them, like if I know you, your name doesn't matter I know you that well or not I always respect and appreciate you, mentioning it or not mentioning it. Starting with my childhood days, those kids may be the earliest friends I may have, yet too young to appreciate people. I regret for being that kid, sorry for not being sensible with it. I had a wonderful childhood days but I spent my childhood days with animals apparently. Then, life went well with primary school days. It was like the first phases where I start making friends, wasnt really a good kid back then but glad to make memories with those awesome peers. Primary school days really went well, a period where we start knowing each other with a very cute way. Being given a chance to get know these people, is one of great blessings god granted to me. Even though, we were still little kids, at least we know how to celebrate one's birthday. The journey went and stopped at the third stop  (high school days). It's a period where we were all dealing with our adolescent phase. perhaps this was the most challenging one, to start finding the true friends. Those who stay beside you, enduring hardships, bearing with your PMS, listen to your emotional feelings, only those who truly love you. I was blessed in that phase as well, with that one favorite circle. Fit me very well, thank you..

Now, this moment I'm 20 already. It's great to still receive a birthday wish and warm prayers from those people who've became part of my memory bytes, part of my life journey all this while. It's great too to receive a wish, a very first wish from new people who come into my life. It's like giving me a strength to keep on being good person, reminding myself that I'm worth living for. There're many people who always love and appreciate me. I didn't really do good to them, I'm so sorry for not growing up well all this while, as a good friend, companion or person to you. I always tried my very best to be one, so yeah will try even better years ahead. You may think that simple "happy birthday" is just a greeting, but to me it really means a lot. That simple greeting means " Yeah, Kikira you're doing just great living in this world", "People are all love you.", " People are so glad that you come to this world, glad to know you.", "You're doing just fine, see how much they appreciate you even better than you did to yourself.". I would like to convey like millions thanks to those people, with those wishes and greetings. Feeling so much appreciated, I know it's hard to find that courage to even say/write that simple greeting and prayers. Thanks for the effort, for those brief seconds you've taken to type it, thanks for giving me a chance to know you. I don't really deserve those best warm wishes from good people like you yet knowing I do, really makes me wanna shed tears knowing how much you love me. Sorry for those who I didn't do the same during your birthday, but believe me doesn't matter who you're if you got affiliated with me, I will always respect, appreciate and love you. Thank you, buddies. May my life journey ahead full with good people like you guys, may we all have great ties fostered. May Allah always bless you guys even better than He did to me.

p.s: It's really hard to get someone spending time for you. Thanks for the courage, words, seconds you've allocated for me.


Kiss, Kikira.

0

Liquor Cheers throughout Faction

You have to understand, the real principle of living is to meet people. You're not living alone, you live with people around you. Doesn't  matter how sick they are, how bad you yourself sick with them, it's a reality you have to swallow down your trachea. Don't vomit it out! Two reasons why you meet them; either you change yourself or the change themselves because of you. For some people, introverts particularly, they literally isolate themselves, comforting themselves saying that they live alone. For that brief moment, yes it works but throughout the journey, all the time no. You cannot run, you'll bump into people too. So, it's really alright if that's your personality yet try your best to still find good people to be acquainted with. Small circles are enough, as long as it's the best ones. It's actually hard to even find one, so if you got one do appreciate them more than they appreciate you. Even little thing like an ig story or a mention on Twitter, don't ignore it at least show a bit response showing that you love it, you appreciate it. A thought about you in those brief seconds, it really means a lot. I am not really sure about other people but I do. I love people calling me, I love people mentioning me when it comes to something that I love, I love people offering me something, I love people remembering me, I love people spending time with me... It's hard for me to mingle around with people, only those I found comfortable with. I don't really have many people I can barely talk too, talk like really a lot about how wild I can be but those who I can found a quality with. I indeed appreciate and respect every single one coming to my life and eventually become part of my life. (convey a warm gratitude for that). Well, those people always did good to me, I didn't really. Sorry for not being good enough.

One good quote I always keep in mind is;

" Always be a good person, the one who has good manners, kind, high empathy and sympathy towards people and the one who has a great thoughtfulness. It's the only value makes yourself precious."

It's not hard to be good and kind, people. It all depends on how you teach yourself and dictate yourself to start doing something. Almost 60% comes from yourself, other 30% from how your parents nurture you and 10% on how you reflect other kind people's actions. It's something you have to learn, read and observe a lot. It's sometimes associated to your spiritual vibes in your religion. If you're a Muslim, make sure to securely protect your ties between Allah and learn a lot from our prophet Muhammad's general attitude in his hadith. It's all start from this seed. A very great awareness and common sense should be instilled within yourself. Positive values and attitude should be inculcated as well. Think a lot about something; what if I did this? What if my beloved ones do the same? What if I'm in his shoes? What if I didn't do this? Try to put your empathy before you start sympathize towards people. After all, empathy drives you do doing good glorious kindness. If you do have this while observing people, you're doing great peeps. *A pat on your back*

Due to that, it's how you start making relation with people. If you're good, God will lead you to good people as well. Have faith on it. So, after I start my degree days as an Architecture student, god blesses me with another circle. No words to describe how grateful I am yet may good ties can be fostered even tight between us. Thank you for everything you've did to me, may we all do well years ahead together. They are very kind to me, they all have different personalities. Frankly, yes I took awhile for me to fit myself in but getting older makes me realised that if you wanna survive in this life throughout a wonderful journey, all you have to do is that trying to accept people, not just hope for people to accept you. One thing you may forget, 'people are not perfect, people are all different.' They are all not like you, probably you're that one-of-a-kind. So, all you have to do is accept their weaknesses and learn from their strength. Another words I always hang onto. If you can keep this in your mind too, believe me. You can always forgive and forget any wrongs people may did to you. Different mistakes may lead to different span you may need to get used to it yet it's alright because you're a mere normal person too who have feelings. You have every right to get angry or feel offended with people, it's just don't take too long. Persuade yourself saying that 'They didn't mean it..'

These are some attachments, how we bonded together. May we all survive together years ahead, Gladers!

Everyone is not good at the first place, it's just how you make sure you're.

Kiss, Kikira.

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ALOHOMORA RHYTHM

After all, let me share my final project here. It wasn't really a good design yet it incorporates all my mood, ideas and love.

Basically, our project is extended from the previous projects. It is based on a music chosen, therefore you have to design a capsule for the user (songwriter, composer or anyone related to the music composition) for him to work producing the music. The spaces should incorporate any elements of the song with two major functions; working and resting.

So, mine.

Song title: "Beautiful in White"
Songwriter and Composer: Westlife's Shane Filan
The name of capsule: Alohomora
Location: Level 8, Chancellery of University Malaya


DESIGN STATEMENT

THE CAPSULE IS IMPLICITLY MEANT TO REFLECT MEMORIES ENCOUNTERED BY THE USER TO ‘CONFINE’ HIMSELF INTO HIS WORK AND IMAGINATION.  IT IS INSPIRED BY A JIGSAW, FORMULATING A VOLUME WHICH INCORPORATES MOOD, RYHTM AND BALANCE FOR BETTER SONG COMPOSITION. BY DISSECTING THE MUSICAL ELEMENTS OF SONG ENTITLED ‘BEAUTIFUL IN WHITE’, THEY ARE IMPLEMENTED THROUGHOUT THE DESIGN. THE EPILOGUE OF PHASES ARE POTRAYED AS MISSING PIECES THROUGHOUT THE CAPSULE. AS THE MAIN IDEA OF CREATING FUNCTIONAL SPACES, IT IS IMPLEMENTED TO THE WHOLE CAPSULE DESIGN TO LITERALLY RESTORE HIS MISSING ‘SPIRIT’ WITHIN A WORKING SPACE. A PRIMARY PRISMATIC SOLID, CUBE IS CHOSEN AS THE BASIC FORM OF THE CAPSULE BECAUSE OF THE EQUALITY OF ITS DIMENSIONS. BY DIVIDING SPACES INTO THREE PHASES OF CREATING A COMPLETE PIECE, THE CUBE ARE  MANIPULATED WITHIN THE CAPSULE BY APPLYING SUBTRATION AND ADDITION OF FORM ACCORDING TO THE INTERPRETATION OF THE SPACE FUNCTION; RESTING AREA IS A PLACE WHERE THOSE MISSING PIECES (IDEAS OF COMPOSING) IN RELATION TO HIS EXPERIENCES AND MEMORIES ARE ACQUIRED INDIRECTLY. WORKING AREA IS A PLACE WHERE THOSE MISSING PIECES ARE ARRANGED COMPLETING THE WHOLE FORM. BOTH SPACES ARE INTERPENETRATED EACH OTHER TO SHOW THAT THEY COMPLEMENT ONE ANOTHER. STORAGE SPACE IS A SPACE WHERE THE WHOLE PIECE IS DISPLAYED OR KEPT.  BASICALLY, THIS CAPSULE TELLS A STORYLINE WITHIN SPACES CORRESPONDING TO THE USER’S CONFLICT IN THE MIDST OF WORKING. IN RESPONSE TO THE SITE LOCATION, THE EXPRESSION OF THE CAPSULE IS ENHANCED BY CAPTURING THE NATURE AND URBAN VIEWS. THE COMBINATION OF SUBTRACTIVE AND ADDITIVE COMPOSITION OF THE CUBE FURTHER CREATES A VOLUME OF SPACE FOR THE USER TO WRITE LYRICS AND COMPOSE SONGS. IT CREATES ITS OWN EXPRESSION YET A GOOD PARASITE TO THE ATTACHED BUILDING.

DESIGN DEVELOPMENT

This is my very first idea. It was a manipulation from a key shape. The upper part was taken out forming a cylindrical shape. Louvers are added around it to show the shape is engulfing secured representing the couple setting knot as a married couple.

One of suggested furniture.

Second idea on the 'missing pieces' concept using the interlocking spatial verb. The spaces are divided into two (resting and working) with an intermediate.

This is my final design. It is divided into three important spaces according to the processes needed to complete the missing pieces; Resting area is an area where the missing pieces are being found (ideas), Working area is an area where they are arranged completing one whole piece and storage is where that complete piece is being displayed or kept.

IDEA DEVELOPMENT MODELS

At the early of the design process, I couldn't make a decision on the basic shape to be manipulated of; a cylinder and cube. So, I made a manipulation of spaces for each shape testifying my concept; missing pieces like a jigsaw.

FINAL PIN-UP

FINAL MODELS

FRONT ELEVATION

RIGHT ELEVATION

REAR ELEVATION

LEFT ELEVATION

Kiss, Kikira.

0

A Fallen Maple Leaf.

Done, my very first semester as an architectural student. It's so hard and sometimes the term 'ArchiTorture' is so real and true. Yet, still survive and will do for multiple semesters ahead. Yes, Architecture is a course for those who have a great passion, diligent, creative, know almost everything and more importantly, has great skills in drawing or sketching. People may say, being an architect does not really have to be good in drawing. Lie, all lies. I got convinced by their words too. Well, sometimes yes but for this early stage you really have to be good at sketching at least. All matters are drawings and sketches; conceptual and technical because your ideas need to be conveyed through drawings and sketches. If you cannot do so, you won't be the best. If you aim to be just good then okay but if you aim to be the best in the studio, you have to practice and learn how to draw architecturally. It may took some time but do spare that 'some time', it's hurt but don't worry you'll do just fine. Before you are labelled as an architectural student, people or even your lecturers will advise you saying that does not really have to be good like I mentioned yet they still access you by grading your drawings and sketches. You won't get that good grade if you're not like your other friends who are damn talented in that particular thing. Seems unfair huh', yeah it's the reality. People are all people, I know for a fact that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses yet the way people see them may be different. The way on how people give response to is another issue. It's a tertiar education where everything depends on your own self. If you don't have talent, do and make sure that you have one. If you feel like you're lack at something, do and make sure that you don't. If you feel offended on how people may respond due to this, persuade your soft heart to not feel down because of that. It's you to change everything, don't feel pressured. You're doing great, must do.

Being an architectural student, it's somehow makes you to be a very tough person. I start my journey as one with nothing. Nothing, like seriously nothing. I came from a normal school, normal family background. Even, I don't know why I choose this course at the first place, why I put massive effort on this, why why all those. Yet, we all believe in destiny and fate. Knowing the fact that one can survive in this field because he is damn talented in sketching, because his dad is an architect, because he has firm basics in drawing, engineering drawings particularly makes me feel like god, I got nothing. It's like you went to a elite private school and people keep asking around what did you family does; "My family owns a hotel..." , "My family has a business on aviation...", "My dad is a ministry..." .It does. Instead, what kind of art skills do you have?..; "I'm good at acrylic painting..", "I have a great talent in drawing anime".. "I sketched a lot..". Me? "I AM GOOD AT NOTHING!" and I went to the interview with this. Swear! I wasn't really sure if I got accepted just because I did quite well in my foundation or because I'm from PASUM or because of what... but one thing I know, I show effort on everything I'm doing. I know that I'm not good therefore I always put effort on whatever I'm doing. I don't really care about the outcomes because all matters to me is effort. Years living, I can count how many times I get what I always hope for. It's sad but believe me the sorrow won't last long because you believe in destiny, you know that you've done your best. This is me, I have lots lots of negative thoughts and vibes but I always have words to counter them back. So, what I did was just putting some effort on everything before going to the real interview. Show every single sketch you terkedek-kedek lukis, trying your best to draw. If it's your destiny, it will be. I don't put a blame on anything, it's a destiny that I've chosen.

A little bit about the early of the journey. Well, I was a bit slow from my other studiomates. One, everyday, I have to learn how to sketch, how to use digital apps, how to draw sections, plan and elevation, some architectural terms before starting any progress on my project. I don't know the real basic of architecture; plan, section and elevation. It's one of topic I really bad at even during my high school days. I know it doesn't make any sense, but it really does to me. I know all architectural students should know this but no, I didnt. The saddest part was that, there's one pin-up session. For that particular week, we have to pin-up our plan, section and elevation to show our progress on our design. I really tried my best on it yet I couldn't pin-up many like my other studiomates. This 'doesn't make sense' thing got into my lecturer too. "No, you should do your plan, section and elevation first like how your friends did." I couldn't say anything, just remained silent. Deep down here, I just wanna say, "Yeah, I'm suck at it...I spend hours, days just to show you those yet I still couldn't.. I tried to imagine one but I couldn't.." Well, all I want is an understanding. You will never know how some people try their best to complete something, you'll never comprehend the mere simple thing which may become big massive thing to them. It looks simple for you but it's just a weakness to some people. You should always let one to finish his battle (what he has prepared for) before you should say something about it. Always respect and appreciate his effort for the battle, don't stop him at the middle of the journey. You're being unfair to him. This always happens in the midst of our struggle, people will never know you better than yourself did. It's not their fault either. Those weaknesses are something you can fix, you just some time. We all have different journey, different pace. Have some faith!

Apart from that, I always stay up due to the burden of work. It's depends on you. If you lack at everything, you really have to put extra endeavour compare to other people. Well, I stayed up to finish my project of course. I took much time to complete something, everything manually. So, yeah you cannot sleep until you finish them. Every single day working in the studio until almost dawn, going back to college just to take a bath and coming back to the studio for lectures (god blessed me to stay cool and not sleepy). If too sleepy, I just took some time sleeping at the table or surau. It's not a last minute work either, it's just those work never get done even at the very last minute you need to hand it in. Drawing, making models all need to be done. Making model is another struggle. As I have an allergy towards metal-liked things, I endured it while making models. It's hurt, but proud with myself because I still go on with it. About eating, I am so sorry to my mom, to my beloved body for not giving extra prioritize to it. I ate instant noodles a lot, McD, instant food. One meal one day, skipped breakfast and lunch, only take a dinner. I didn.t call my mom due to this because every time I did, the first time she will ask is my meals. I hardly eat instant noodles yet now it has become my main meals. I can count how many times I eat nasik, how many times I am able to take proper meals. Hungry yes but it's like you prioritize your work better. But luckily, I didn't consume excessive caffeine yet until now. Thanks dear body and mind for enduring it.

In midst of this, god sent me seniors who always help me out. I got one, she's so super nice, IDK how to express it (May Allah bless her). The one who always ws me asking if I'm doing good or not, th eone who always come and check my progress, the one who always correct every single thing that I did wrong, the one who never once forget to remind me everything related. I was blessed like Ya Allah, why this person is so kind.. probably one who always give me spirit to learn. She once mentioned to me, "I was once like you so I don't want you to be the same like I was before..". May Allah always bless her and grant her victory in whatever she's doing.

It's a tired journey, damn tired. Knowing the fact that you're not good at everything,you try to fix it. Till that moment, you feel like giving up and start saying, "nothing will change, you will never good. You can't do it.". When that moment comes, all you need is a support, some words from your beloved people saying that "No, you're doing great..", "You can do it..".. "Don't give up, Kikira." yet no one did. No one comes and hug you, no one give a pat on your back. Shedding tears alone, controlling the moment alone, yes I stupidly did. At the same time, still pretending to smile and happy it's hurt. It's a journey that I've chosen, it's like what I used to pray saying that if this is the best to me, so please let me have it. He really did give me, so it's not right for me to start questioning and grumbling. By the time I wanna give up, this is what actually I remind to myself. Keeping this in mind makes me survive and run ahead. I'm not good but insyaAllah will try even harder. Thank you for those who keep supporting me outside and not during that 'moment'. I'm doing great handling it alone now, will getting used to it. May Allah bless you people too.



Kiss, Kikira.

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Pep-talk Train!

During my past high school days, I started to realise the real responsibility as a student. While making memories with my peers, I was still a mere human though. I had a hard situation, sad days, pressured circumstance and down phase yet there also way to cheer me up. After all, life without challenges really means nothing. Those challenges make your life better and even brighter. Don't grumble over it, ask for a strength instead. People always say that this life is being unfair to them but I always say this. If life is being to you, to me and to other people.. it's being fair then. There's no one in this world got no problem! Everyone has. 

Therefore, I remember one thing I did before to stay positive (when I was in PMR days I guess). I pasted every pep-talk all over my bed chamber, more or less to give positive vibes every single day. Not really every single inch of the room. Even while making them, I felt so happy. This is one of the example I did. Basically, the concept was like a long train of pep talk. So, there's one part of my chamber's wall where this concept was applied. I actually wrote some pep talk/quotes I learnt from everything that I love or passionate about. (that time we're so into EXO though) :)

Example:

Yet, it's so sick to snap every single 'train', so I'll write them for this post instead. Hope you learn something too. Thank you.

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"It's scary to think that one day, all this will eventually end."

For us, it's just a nightmare if something bad happens to us yet there must have effective ways to get rid of those horrible experiences. Keep calm and be optimistic. All is well, nothing to be worried about.

"Readers are winners. Keep reading to make your dreams come true."

Again, I learnt to be a good reader through the book series named 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid'. I used to read them to actually ease myself but this one quote, I didn't learn from Greg but from his mother, Mrs Heffley. *by the time she tries to dumb Greg with her signature*

"I'm gonna make the rest of my life, the best of my life."

Believe! You're the best and you're born to be the best. Remember that you always have a chance and if you fail and you're lucky to have another chance, you must not fail then.

"Never underestimate what's inside you that makes you special."

I got a chance to go a camp with my friends, but then I didn't know why I was shedding my tears. We had our special slot and the teacher passed me this special words, totally heal my heart.

"If you're not prepared to fail, you'll never create anything original."

You're such a lucky person if you learn from your failures. You're such a strong person if you're able to stand straight after you failed. Don't feel down, okay.

"Become someone brand new everyday, a new person everyday, have a brand new image everyday."

People say that we should be a better person from yesterday. Till now, I still remember his favourite key word. 'SUHO', he wants to be a new Suho everyday. He got the stage name and hopefully, he can be a great leader. Everyday is a brand new day so, my key word will always be; 'MIZAH'

"Life is a riddle. Solve it."

We do have to explore our life because our life is our treasure. Sometimes, we can be the pirate, leading our life towards the right destination. Keep trying to solve our problems, go and get the answers.

"...to bind us closer and keep us strong in a special world, where we belong."

I always wonder what's inside his head that makes him extra confident. And, that's what he always remind himself.

"I told myself if there was something I was the best at, then that part would belong to me."

Believe in yourself, never afraid to grab chances. Be bold and confident to unleash your skills.

"Keep your feet on the ground when your head's in the clouds."

I did have a sister that I used to be close to when I was in my high school. I guess she's the only one. I sought for her words and she passed one. She even explained the meaning behind it. It's  more like saying "Always be humble and lowkey even if you're on the top."

"No matter how hard it is, I always smile like an idiot."

It is the best little heal to your heart, a smile. Everything is hard but never stop doing it because you really worth trying for.

"Don't give up on your dream and keep working towards it."

Yes, your dream should be a reality because your dream is not really yours. It's something that you should share and make it real for people that you love. Work towards it then.


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P.S: These are some of the quotes I written, they are so many of them actually. May you can hang on one of these. (I don't think you feel like reading if I write all of them...hhahahah)

Kiss, Kikira.

0

McDaniel, love.

Kikira is a freaky eater, always. For those who really know me well are getting used to that title already but for those who don't, I'm so sorry if I go and hang out with you but then make feel uneasy or annoyed with myself. Frankly, I am a freaky plus picky eater, I don't really eat much. I only eat the same favourite food over and over again, once in that eating mood I eat a lot. It's very difficult for me to start trying new or weird food. I don't really like trying food!! There're many people I've encountered, I don't really like people asking 'why you didn't eat this', like very hate. It's like they didn't respect me, maybe I used to eat it before and it's just I stop eating it now for some reasons. People can change, their taste as well. Just accept it, if I don't like it then I don't.

Well, I went for a Malacca trip before with my FA2 teletubies. They're still new with me, I know. I guess I've given a hard time for them. There's one friend asking me why I didn't wanna eat while others felt like uneasy. (so sorry for this). I just didn't know how to explain it, I forgot they were still in a process knowing me well. Some of them may think that I'm a spoil brat didn't really eat food sold at the stalls tepi tepi jalan or the one who didn't eat cheap snacks, I don't really judge you for that. It's not like that way, there're many reasons why and sometimes it's just me can't. I'm very particular about food eaten or taken into my body regarding it's appearance, seller, halal and other sorts of thing. I don't really eat outside, I don't really eat something looks weird to me. Some people are okay with everything like they eat everything minus metal, sand and wood, they like to try everything as well but that's really not me. For nerdies, they grew up with me during high school they know me well, never once they forced me to eat or asked me why and why over again. (they only force me to eat when I didn't eat anything, mind my meals). Whenever we go out, they'll be like 'Kikira tak makan this one', hearing this I feel like so happy and honor I don't know why, I just feel like they comfort me so well. Spending time with people who always know me well always be a comfort zone to me but then when I start making move to another zones, I forgot that I'm making new people into my life. Feeling guilty and bad at the same time. So, there was one time I start eating mamak for like years I didn't, just to fit the way they eat. It's like scratching my principle but seeing they smiled, I felt like okay. 

I know it's kind a contrast to the above principle but whenever I go, instead of eating at restaurant where I'm not familiar with, I choose to eat at the fast food restaurant. I know some people can be so racist to them like 'fast food is not good for your health', 'fast food is only for rich people', 'fast food is definitely a no.', yes I know right but me myself, I trust 'this fast food' than other freaking restaurants. It's not good but sometimes I just feel like they're definitely halal and yes I can eat. After all, we only buy an ice-cream and some fries. Some other people-restaurant, we don't know what type of noodles they used or what type of ketchup they dipped in it may look like a trivial matter but I'm very concerned about this. Actually, it depends on people but me, I just don't like it. (sorry if you disagree with me). Or maybe you'll be like, 'come on, don't be a paranoid. You can't live if you always have that thoughts and mentality'. I respect that too but just don't let me live then. hahahah.

Living in university days too, I kinda in love with McD (McD served the worst food ikr). I don't really love its meals, I just love it's ice cream and take out packaging *so addicted* It's so eco with that paperback thingy, so English-liked I just love it. Just that, full stop.

"Always mind your meals and diet, food you're eating. They'll remain to be in your flesh blood."

-MOM

P.S: my ultimate favourite snacks; HL milk, m&ms, Nestle cereals, ice-cream, kit Kat. (they're all sweet)

Kiss, Kikira.

0

/someday/

I'm still young to talk about success or achievement, yet I wanna highlight the word 'goal/dream/wishlist' for this particular post. Frankly said, I wasn't that 'succeed' compared to my other freaking awesome friends. We cannot really be on the top, right? Sometimes, I feel like giving up if I can't really reach my goal but I always remind myself to always believe in myself. People may see me like lack of confidence or energy. I am but not almost the time, you can't see that through me. Let me share some other things you may misjudge me, seeing me studying for these rest years. One thing you really have to understand. 

"Outcome is not important, effort is." 

These words, I inject into my brain nerves every single time I put effort like crazy but didn't achieve that level. There're other popular pep talk people used to hang onto, maybe you're one of them.

"Hardwork will never betray you."

"Don't work hard but do work smart"

I don't really believe them, not saying 100% but more like 34%. I'm not sure about you, but me personally, my hardwork always betrays me. Ideally, those two pep talk are contradicting to one another. For some people, they just didn't turn out well. Working smart is really a good idea after all but people should also understand some people just don't know what 'working smart' really means or maybe they don't know where to start or maybe they got no one to help or maybe they're that kind who don't know how to start conversation just to ask what's exactly they need to plan for their study routine or other maybe's'. These people are existed in this world, not because they don't wanna succeed, it's because they don't know how to start. Well, we can simply say, 'if you don't know then learn'. Yes, people. They're learning but the way they're learning might be slightly different from you. To catch pace with you, all they can do is putting a damn hard effort. It's just sometimes didn't turn out well because that way may be not smart enough. It might be true but have know how those teach those people to appreciate their own effort and self even better? 

We're only young students, not many of us can manage time wisely, plan good strategies. Those people who can do all of these, God blessed them. I'm sure they already succeeded and achieve what they want, I'm happy for you guys of course. Majority didn't, need understand their situation; one may think that he already work smart but still didn't get an overwhelming result, one may put effort like an insane but still can't achieve the target, and other lucky people, who are gifted and don't really have to struggle but still get damn good results. You know yourself that well, only you. Which type are you doesn't really matter, the reason why, how hard you strive are all that matters.

If you are really a good student, all you do is 'smart work'. Of course you won't study the same topics until the exact exam day. You're a doing a stupid work if you did. No, right. It's just sometimes a last minute study (really not a good habit) but you did put effort on that 'last minute' what. *Pat on your back* As long as you did your very best, you really did well dear. People always say it's okay to fail, then you'll learn something but me, still afraid of failing. I afraid if I will regret. I have that one fear by the time I sit in my exam hall seeing the questions and be like 'oh man, I didn't cover on this topic'. That's what I'll regret. I hate those feelings. Therefore, I always put effort on every single exam. Yet, sometimes I still cannot do my best and somehow can't really achieve my target. It was sad, feeling like giving up yeah but after all it taught you to be stronger. Keeping my mind that it's really okay to take some time crying, regretting but don't take to long. Stand up then and try harder. Sometimes, you didn't make it not because you don't deserve to. It's because Allah wants to see you strive even harder, you didn't do enough. Don't feel down, just embrace it. You're worth trying for, studying lillahitaala. 

*sharing session*

During my PMR days, I always shed tears and felt down for some reasons but I cheered myself up by listening to this song and its lyrics. It was so comforting, giving me so-called positive vibes. I owed U-Kiss for this, would love to share with you people. I don't know why but I'll get recharged every single time I listen to this track, even now. Do check it out.

U-Kiss- Someday

P.S: Everyone deserves to win/succeed, there's no one were born to fail. Believe in yourself and love yourself.

Kiss, Kikira.

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'Passport' to retrieve Memories

People said we don't really remember what's exactly happening during our primary school days. Yes, it's partially true but I reckon it always be sweet memories if you can remember and describe those days well. I'm not sure about other people, but me I always forget everything that I dislike along my life journey like I told myself not to remember them. Instead, I have a very vivid views about my sweet memories I made with people. For this particular sense, you may see me always excited for every minor trivial thing I did with my favorites (like an insane). It's okay to look like a psycho, as long as your favourites know that there're people who always be there, love them. That's how you appreciate people, those who came into your life and end up being part of you. Me, always want people to express their love to me so then I know 'ahhh.. there're who always love you'. These love overload made me feel like not trying to find a partner...Ha... It was great to know these fellow best friends since my primary school days. 

*reminiscing old days*

I'm not sure when or which year we got so close to one another, it was in our Standard 2 ,was it? We were in the same class for four years consecutively. Basically, our school got like morning and evening sessions; morning session for standard 1,4,5,6 and evening session was for 2,3. When we were in primary school, we had like a 'gang' (omg, tak maturednya). We called ourselves 'Star Girls' (tak matured part 2). So thank you to our immatured thoughts about giving that name. We did applied some sorts of hipsterism in calling name. Calling one another by 'Zu', 'Sai', 'Fir' and 'Miz', it was the cutest I ever heard. Being a kid back then was always a cutie. We kept buoying one another up,buying presents/wishing for everyone's birthday, eating/sharing food together, 'performing' responsibility together, playing sports together, fangirling together, I can't ask more but thanking you girls instead. know what? We also set colors for each of us; I was BLUE, Zu was GREEN, Fir was RED and Sai was YELLOW (acah powerpuff girls gitu). I really miss those days. We were very close to our teachers. I can't describe one by one but they were always kind to us, treating us like real kids. They were why we can get into good high schools and succeed now. Thank you, cikgu.

After 7 years left our primary school, we went back to visit it as well as our beloved teachers. Not many of them were there, some were transfered to other schools but managed to throwback memories with them in that brief meeting. First time they saw us, they were all be like 'you guys dah putih sekarang'.. Haaaa, we were all athletes back then. I saw smile crept across their face like they were so happy seeing their students came and visited them. I'm happy for that too, yeah we did a good job. Teachers, they didn't ask nothing but you to succeed and become an useful person living. Their pep talk/ conversation, was just nice. Our school got its massive differences as well, how time flies.

We met teachers who used to teach us before. It was so great to see them again, still pretty and awesome. 

*ignore me wearing black Jubah*

and because we all miss our old days, we start acting like a little kid. Yes, we visited our previous senior year class.

We really studied together back then.We also had this kind of study group at Saidatul's terrain (this one pun there's another story) or sometimes we stayed back just to study together. Oh yes, we had a study group together with Marmar and Naeem but it didn't really work because we always busy with our extra classes. I was so proud with all of us; we studied like 24/7 non-stop, at the same time played some sports. #goals Alhamdullillah, everyone managed to get straight As for UPSR. There's another story behind this. We were indeed so competitive. Every exam, one of us will list down all subjects as well as names and recorded our marks for that particular subject. Omg, I miss this. We were good though, all got into at least top 20. (will tell my kids about this) Other than that, we were normal kids after all. We played many games as well. Tiang-tiang (all 98 liners played this I guess), tangga, bingo, batu seremban. *ya Allah ridunya* 

Friendship does mean something to me since my primary school. God blessed us to stay close like this till now, 2017. I hate being a kid back then because I couldn't really do anything mature with you back then. Yet, my immatured days were blessed spent with you girls. We were separated going to different high schools yet long-distance relationship was good actually to always love you deep down here. *hand on my heart* To these people and to all my primary schoolmates, thanks for those memories, effort you've given to me. If I did any wrongs before, I'm sorry for that bad manners. May Allah ease your business and grant you happiness. May #Friendship last forever. XOXO, yehet.

Kiss, Kikira.

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