Done, my very first semester as an architectural student. It's so hard and sometimes the term 'ArchiTorture' is so real and true. Yet, still survive and will do for multiple semesters ahead. Yes, Architecture is a course for those who have a great passion, diligent, creative, know almost everything and more importantly, has great skills in drawing or sketching. People may say, being an architect does not really have to be good in drawing. Lie, all lies. I got convinced by their words too. Well, sometimes yes but for this early stage you really have to be good at sketching at least. All matters are drawings and sketches; conceptual and technical because your ideas need to be conveyed through drawings and sketches. If you cannot do so, you won't be the best. If you aim to be just good then okay but if you aim to be the best in the studio, you have to practice and learn how to draw architecturally. It may took some time but do spare that 'some time', it's hurt but don't worry you'll do just fine. Before you are labelled as an architectural student, people or even your lecturers will advise you saying that does not really have to be good like I mentioned yet they still access you by grading your drawings and sketches. You won't get that good grade if you're not like your other friends who are damn talented in that particular thing. Seems unfair huh', yeah it's the reality. People are all people, I know for a fact that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses yet the way people see them may be different. The way on how people give response to is another issue. It's a tertiar education where everything depends on your own self. If you don't have talent, do and make sure that you have one. If you feel like you're lack at something, do and make sure that you don't. If you feel offended on how people may respond due to this, persuade your soft heart to not feel down because of that. It's you to change everything, don't feel pressured. You're doing great, must do.
Being an architectural student, it's somehow makes you to be a very tough person. I start my journey as one with nothing. Nothing, like seriously nothing. I came from a normal school, normal family background. Even, I don't know why I choose this course at the first place, why I put massive effort on this, why why all those. Yet, we all believe in destiny and fate. Knowing the fact that one can survive in this field because he is damn talented in sketching, because his dad is an architect, because he has firm basics in drawing, engineering drawings particularly makes me feel like god, I got nothing. It's like you went to a elite private school and people keep asking around what did you family does; "My family owns a hotel..." , "My family has a business on aviation...", "My dad is a ministry..." .It does. Instead, what kind of art skills do you have?..; "I'm good at acrylic painting..", "I have a great talent in drawing anime".. "I sketched a lot..". Me? "I AM GOOD AT NOTHING!" and I went to the interview with this. Swear! I wasn't really sure if I got accepted just because I did quite well in my foundation or because I'm from PASUM or because of what... but one thing I know, I show effort on everything I'm doing. I know that I'm not good therefore I always put effort on whatever I'm doing. I don't really care about the outcomes because all matters to me is effort. Years living, I can count how many times I get what I always hope for. It's sad but believe me the sorrow won't last long because you believe in destiny, you know that you've done your best. This is me, I have lots lots of negative thoughts and vibes but I always have words to counter them back. So, what I did was just putting some effort on everything before going to the real interview. Show every single sketch you terkedek-kedek lukis, trying your best to draw. If it's your destiny, it will be. I don't put a blame on anything, it's a destiny that I've chosen.
A little bit about the early of the journey. Well, I was a bit slow from my other studiomates. One, everyday, I have to learn how to sketch, how to use digital apps, how to draw sections, plan and elevation, some architectural terms before starting any progress on my project. I don't know the real basic of architecture; plan, section and elevation. It's one of topic I really bad at even during my high school days. I know it doesn't make any sense, but it really does to me. I know all architectural students should know this but no, I didnt. The saddest part was that, there's one pin-up session. For that particular week, we have to pin-up our plan, section and elevation to show our progress on our design. I really tried my best on it yet I couldn't pin-up many like my other studiomates. This 'doesn't make sense' thing got into my lecturer too. "No, you should do your plan, section and elevation first like how your friends did." I couldn't say anything, just remained silent. Deep down here, I just wanna say, "Yeah, I'm suck at it...I spend hours, days just to show you those yet I still couldn't.. I tried to imagine one but I couldn't.." Well, all I want is an understanding. You will never know how some people try their best to complete something, you'll never comprehend the mere simple thing which may become big massive thing to them. It looks simple for you but it's just a weakness to some people. You should always let one to finish his battle (what he has prepared for) before you should say something about it. Always respect and appreciate his effort for the battle, don't stop him at the middle of the journey. You're being unfair to him. This always happens in the midst of our struggle, people will never know you better than yourself did. It's not their fault either. Those weaknesses are something you can fix, you just some time. We all have different journey, different pace. Have some faith!
Apart from that, I always stay up due to the burden of work. It's depends on you. If you lack at everything, you really have to put extra endeavour compare to other people. Well, I stayed up to finish my project of course. I took much time to complete something, everything manually. So, yeah you cannot sleep until you finish them. Every single day working in the studio until almost dawn, going back to college just to take a bath and coming back to the studio for lectures (god blessed me to stay cool and not sleepy). If too sleepy, I just took some time sleeping at the table or surau. It's not a last minute work either, it's just those work never get done even at the very last minute you need to hand it in. Drawing, making models all need to be done. Making model is another struggle. As I have an allergy towards metal-liked things, I endured it while making models. It's hurt, but proud with myself because I still go on with it. About eating, I am so sorry to my mom, to my beloved body for not giving extra prioritize to it. I ate instant noodles a lot, McD, instant food. One meal one day, skipped breakfast and lunch, only take a dinner. I didn.t call my mom due to this because every time I did, the first time she will ask is my meals. I hardly eat instant noodles yet now it has become my main meals. I can count how many times I eat nasik, how many times I am able to take proper meals. Hungry yes but it's like you prioritize your work better. But luckily, I didn't consume excessive caffeine yet until now. Thanks dear body and mind for enduring it.
In midst of this, god sent me seniors who always help me out. I got one, she's so super nice, IDK how to express it (May Allah bless her). The one who always ws me asking if I'm doing good or not, th eone who always come and check my progress, the one who always correct every single thing that I did wrong, the one who never once forget to remind me everything related. I was blessed like Ya Allah, why this person is so kind.. probably one who always give me spirit to learn. She once mentioned to me, "I was once like you so I don't want you to be the same like I was before..". May Allah always bless her and grant her victory in whatever she's doing.
It's a tired journey, damn tired. Knowing the fact that you're not good at everything,you try to fix it. Till that moment, you feel like giving up and start saying, "nothing will change, you will never good. You can't do it.". When that moment comes, all you need is a support, some words from your beloved people saying that "No, you're doing great..", "You can do it..".. "Don't give up, Kikira." yet no one did. No one comes and hug you, no one give a pat on your back. Shedding tears alone, controlling the moment alone, yes I stupidly did. At the same time, still pretending to smile and happy it's hurt. It's a journey that I've chosen, it's like what I used to pray saying that if this is the best to me, so please let me have it. He really did give me, so it's not right for me to start questioning and grumbling. By the time I wanna give up, this is what actually I remind to myself. Keeping this in mind makes me survive and run ahead. I'm not good but insyaAllah will try even harder. Thank you for those who keep supporting me outside and not during that 'moment'. I'm doing great handling it alone now, will getting used to it. May Allah bless you people too.
Kiss, Kikira.
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