Holes are positiely charged.

Okay, to be truth seriously I really real for real wasting my time here. Like other kids, they must doing something good like spending time with their family or maybe friends. Me? H**l no. I guess I AM INDEED AN INTROVERT like a dork doing nothing or even respond nothing to people. Ha, not saying I am a lesbian or what but yeah too fear to do something because I always do wrongs while talking, giving opinion and even helping someone. It's horrible isn't? Too horrible. Then, people may ask me how I define happiness or gay? Okay, I got any but yeah I read this book: MY HEART AND OTHER BLACK HOLES, a book about how Suicide Partners make their way to suicide. Aysel did keep a secret about his dad who is a criminal. It reminds me how I have no courage to tell people that I am a 'criminal'. I love one of its quotes like that happiness lingers around people's stomachs and slowly bubbles up to create a sensation we know as HAPPINESS. There it is, real happiness like it squeezes out our stomach yet we didnt feel any pain. Frankly, my happiness is seeing everyone else's happiness. Being Amity is something like sometimes I really wanna be a Dauntless but it is just not my nature. I'm a weirdo and I dont mind if people don't really understand me because I myself dont understand myself either. Chin up!

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That one Captain in my Supernova

It just like a nightmare by the time I miss him. My colourful painted heart is ready to fade away just like the curtains do. By then, I wish I could paint it back as a metaphore for my colourful memory. Yeah, that's pointless, indeed! I shed my tears and keep blaming myself, just because my childish action. After time passed, the fact that you're so precious, why didn't I know back then. Everyday, the colour fades away one by one. The great worry, making me starts to frown. The only reason why I cannot show him my love. But if I got the chance, it must be the precious moment. I'm wishing if I can sketch his handsome face. It would be double triple awesome if I can draw his look. The meteors hide themselves in a wish and knock my heart and tries to sketch it inside. With that, I keep sighing and showing my regret. It's blocking me like a great wall in front of me. But then, sorrowfully, I'm dreaming to hug him tightly. If I'm able to do so, are the colours will painted beautifully? I'm pondering so, whether I should proceed my wish or not. Otherwise, the lices surround my heart because of my fault or maybe they'll be my witnesses by the time I confess my pure love to him. My heart is beating very fast like the time ticking. It is ready to mesmerise me with it's numbers. How beautiful they're! It's round shape brings me to approach him back then..I remember the way he treats me. On that wonderful time, the galaxy should greet me by saying 'You're the luckiest girl in this universal' ..even I'm shining brighter than the million stars in the sky, feeling like 'aah.. Am I his favourite one?' I could reach the outer space with my own shuttle space.. He always be the one who buoys me up..He always be the one who shed my tears by the time I tell him that I'm scared, he always be the one who smiles at me.. He's the first one who set and send me e-mails. He always be the one who I need when I'm in trouble. What's awesome deeds he made for me! The fact that he's not longer in this world, cannot be broken down like the asteroids does.. It just like the supernova, beautiful in colour but actually not. The memories keep bouncing in my head, telling that I'm very very miss him. I'm talking to the moon, telling that I want to stroll with him like we did in the past. I want to hear his manly voice. I want to ask him to buy me my favourite fried rice and share with him. It's scratching my heart like a flash of lightning strucking inside my heart. If there's a time controller, is he able to help me? Hoping he could be my motivation to further my life. He could me my supernova that shines it's colour inside my heart. The stars cannot be jealous with me, because I've the special colour to redeem and cover my faded colour. It's the right time to accept the knock and opens my heart for the meteors sketch the wish..Three special words, I would like to whisper to him, 'I MISS YOU', gaining strength to see him in my heart as a beautiful supernova.

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I'm running low!

I've been go through so many challenges in life and I'm happy because I got the chances to deal with them. For some reasons, I guess I'm a weirdo the one that nobody understands. The real reason why I have my own world, a world that nobody knows. I have my own imagination, a real real for real a wonderful world. Going through this life like I got two characters; one people know in real life and one people know in virtual life. People may ask me why I have such thing like NO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU WHO YOU ARE. In fact, I have my own perspective in life. I am of opinion that if I have something negative in myself, I myself should settle it down. So this is my way in order to be someone better. In real life, me that you know is such a weak lass, has a low esteem, too afraid to give her opinion just because she's afraid if people knock her down, someone who doesnt like talking much just because she hate people ask her to speak louder and bla bla. She has suvh million weaknesses. So I have my own way to overcome my weaknesses by creating a new character on virtual life to actually talk to myself like I talk to a mirror. It's not about being somebody else or hypocrite or what. This is about being wise to overcome my weaknesses in real life. I would love myself in a better way. I believe I can do it, World.

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Be friend with a giant monster.

It was some time you feel like giving up for every single thing that you're doing. You then said to yourself that it's an useless endeavour to fight and strive for your goal because eventually you will never grab your goal. You strived, stuggled like in every second just like your heartbeats yet still you cannot do it. As a human, we deserve to get our own happiness with all our great effort but sometimes we didn't get it not because we didn't struggle towards it. It's because we didn't do enough. You feel like giving up because you always tell youself that you've done the best. In fact, you didn't, you're just doing that much you can. I read a motivational book long long ago. You know what did the author said? Je said that in every single human's self, there's a giant monster. If you're able to wake him up, you will gain the full strength fighting for your life. Deep thoughts, I was thinking if only I am strong enough to wake him up, of course I will do better enough. The problem is we humans we always forget real motives of fighting for something.  If you're strong, you will never give up like a monster does. Hence, I accept as true that we fail to get what we want not because we can't but because we didn't do enough. When one fine day comes, you will remember how hard you fighting for it. Love yourself, keep doing some good for your life.

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